1. Never in my life: been stuck for a “never in my life” thing, apart from now.
2. If I do anything well it’s: self deprecation.
3. When I was five: I was engaged to Pierre at nursery.
4. High school was: drug fueled, paranoid and full of bullies.
5. I will never forget: what nasty people have done to me. Yes, I hold grudges and I seethe. It’s one of my worst traits. **seethes**
6. Once I met: Lady Diana. Here is the story.
7. There’s this girl I know: who bugs the crap out of me, and I think is evil, but I don’t want to be rude by telling her to feck off… I quietly hate her behind her back. Thus making me the evil one.
8. Once, at a bar: I stole another girl’s boyfriend. He's now my husband so I don't feel soooo guilty anymore.
9. By noon, I’m usually: cranky. But then I'm kinda cranky most of the time.
10. Last night: I had a really weird dream.
11. If only I had: enough money to get my hair cut and go shopping.
12. Next time I go to church: I’ll do the usual, “once you’ve seen one church, you’ve seen em all” and “It’s OK, Jesus will forgive us” comments.
13. What worries me most: the end.
14. When I turn my head left I see: A note that says “A clean house is a sign of a wasted life” stuck to the pin board of my messy desk.
15. When I turn my head right I see: my angle-poise lamp.
16. You know I’m lying when: I smile or giggle. I can’t lie, basically.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: Oh god, everything.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Hermia. I'm kinda short.
19. By this time next year: I'll be remembering that blog I once had.
20. A better name for me would be: the one I changed my name to by deed poll anyway.
21. I have a hard time understanding: most things.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: work harder.
23. You know I like you if: I laugh at your jokes.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: my fans. I hope. Because if I ever win an award I'd be famous, right?
25. Take my advice, never: become a journalist!
26. My ideal breakfast is: Fruit n Fibre with flavoured yoghurt or Crunchie Nut Cornflakes.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Kelley Rowland, Work
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: go to the Deer Park.
29. Why won’t people: understand?
30. If you spend a night at my house: you must not speak of the mess. To anyone. OK?
31. I’d stop my wedding for: nobody.
32. The world could do without: too many Z-listers to mention, but currently Lily Fucking Allen.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: admit past misdemeanors.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Blondie.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: blue tack, but not more useful than staples.
36. My uncle once: called my brother stupid. This is my brother who’s the only one in the family to have got a First by the way. However, this is not the nastiest my uncle has ever been. We no longer speak (I refer to him as My Evil Uncle).
37. I can’t help but: bite off that little bit of skin that’s on the side of my nail. Owch!
38. I usually cry: over most bad TV designed to make you cry. Like the X Factor – and hate myself for it.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: Don't listen to your crazy Auntie Sarah.
40. And by the way: if you’ve read all the way down to this bit you’re clearly very bored.